Friday, 28 November 2008
Let's celebrate something banal
So, in order to celebrate my first pay cheque from the cinema, which clocked in at almost eighteen pounds, I'm going to be doing something on Sunday, something stupid and booze related. I'm guessing it's going to involve my free cinema tickets and High School Musical 3. But there will be undoubtedly something to follow this up. Something cheap. Something horrible.
Any ideas?
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
BxJx
Thought I'd have a go at making my own Chazpixelpicture and this is what I ended up with:
Not as good as Chaz's but it's not like I was gonna do anything else with my day was it?
Not as good as Chaz's but it's not like I was gonna do anything else with my day was it?
Let's Play Good Free Games
Well, by an act of bizarre clairvoyance, Tim had the same idea as me regarding a blog about free games. He even had roughly the same spiel: the fact that we’re all broke, that we have no expendable income, and that we should be optimistic and use this opportunity to peruse more independent channels of gaming. So basically, to all intents and purposes, this is exactly the same as Tim’s blog, only I’m recommending better games.
Well, that’s not exactly fair. More like different games, not browser based, more ‘retro’ styled I guess. There are no criteria for inclusion in this post other than that the game must be available for download without charge. Oh, and that the games in question must have been produced by an independent source. This is especially important. Video games as a media have had a very short life, and as such are not usually considered in the same light as films, music and books. This is generally fair enough. Most videogames are pretty shit, to be honest. I would argue that this is so due to the way in which they have been created.
Making a videogame is an incredibly expensive endeavour normally, and there’s always a lot of money riding on any game you might go into a video game shop and pick up. The act of physically putting out a videogame is a risky and prohibitively costly one. As such, it is often hard to discern any creative freedom evident in commercially released videogames, Of course, there are some exceptions to this rule, and certain companies and directors can ‘work the system’ and produce a commercially viable game that pushes the medium of videogames forward. But it’s hard to label even these projects as being ‘independent’ in the same way that a record or a film could be seen as being an independently produced product. ‘Video Game Band’ Grasshopper Interactive’s 2005 masterpiece ‘Killer 7’ portrayed a truly post modern videogame experience, taking every classical convention that video games had to offer and turned them on its head. The plot was insanely complicated, tackling issues such as post colonial identify, institutional sexual abuse and the notion of the self, and it did so in perhaps the most brazen and user unfriendly yet seen in a videogame. In fact, it is such a fascinating game, it will no doubt be explored in a later blog post, ho ho. Returning to the point, however, the fact is that regardless of how bizarre Killer 7 was, it was still financed by Capcom, was released on two separate consoles and was sold as a stylish action game “from the twisted mind of… the creator of Resident Evil”. Thus, kudos for getting this masterpiece into the shops around the world, but the fact remains, not everyone could make a game like Killer 7.
When it comes to indie games, however, we return to the inclusionist aspect that this blog post is trying to instil. Here are games created by people with real day jobs, who, in a bid to get as many people as possible to enjoy their products, and so as not have to deal with any draconian publishing house looking simply to make a profit, are people who have made video games completely single-handedly, under extreme restrictions, and have still come out with something awesome to make people happy.
So here, I present to you some fun, free, independently produced games to play guilt free in these financially troubled times. In no particular order:
LA MULANA
La Mulana is a game produced in a decidedly self consciously ‘retro’ fashion. While it was build for Windows, in actuality it looks and sounds far more like a game made for Sony’s MSX console. An unashamed pastiche of the Indiana Jones series, La Mulana stars a whip cracking hero jumping around torturous terrain, solving (insanely hard) puzzles and beating the local wildlife to death. What makes La Mulana stand out is its thoroughly well realised game design. Coming across like an amalgamation between Metroid and Castlevania (nothing original there then), La Mulana sees you exploring the brightly coloured world in a non linear fashion. Get stuck in one area, and you can simply wonder off somewhere else to try your luck. One thing to bear in mind is the game’s extreme difficulty, requiring both quick reflexes, a heavy degree of memorisation, and a cerebral cortex the size of a Chinese River Dolphin. Still worth the download for the less gifted gamer just to sample the amazing theme tune.
DOWNLOAD (link to translation patch. You'll find a link to the actual game too)
OMGWTFOTL
As the name of the game suggests, OMGWTFOTL is a strange game. In fact, it’s absolutely bizarre. Belonging firmly in the ‘Visual Novel’ genre of video games, OMGWTFOTL is a game that deliberately sets out to alienate and beguile the player in pretty much every possible way. Naturally, to discuss the manner in which this is accomplished would inevitably detract from the nature of the gameplay. All I will disclose is that OMGWTFOTL has much in common with Bizarro fiction, with it’s strange, pop culture referencing and use of extreme violence. The plot of the game, influenced by the players choice will frequently travel down some unexpected routes, breaking boundaries of time and reality. Sometimes funny, sometimes upsetting, and always confusing, OMGWTFOTL is a perfect example of what can be accomplished with zero budget and a particularly nihilistic outlook. Just whatever you do, don’t genuflect.
DOWNLOAD
NOMLTEST
NOMLTEST is better than Geometry Wars. There, I said it. Well, in actuality, they are very different games. Geometry wars is basically Robotron 2048 with flashier colours and a more satisfying control scheme. NOMLTEST on the other hand has more in common with modern bullet hell shooters, with its tiny hitbox, insane bullet storms and the ability to ‘eat’ bullets by keeping them in close proximity, with your scoring affected by this risk/reward ethos. What makes NOMLTEST and Geometry Wars comparable is the infinite nature of both games: conceivably, you could play them forever without ever dying. This is hardly a facet that is unique to these games; Space Invaders, Galaga, Tatsujin and 1,000,000 other arcade games go on ‘forever’ if you’re enough, with only the ever increasing difficulty finally forcing you out into the harsh light of day. Nomltest just implements this system extremely well. With all its modern features combined with a ‘classic’ retro sensibility, NOMLTEST is addictive shooting action with lovely graphics and a fairly in depth scoring system. Another plus is that its low system requirements mean it could run on pretty much any computer (running windows).
DOWNLOAD
ICY TOWER
The only non Japanese game on this motley list, Icy Tower is very obviously an American product. The music, sound effects and character design are pretty bland and clichéd, but the game itself is something else altogether. Like Sonic, it is controlled with just left, right and jump. You make your guy jump up the platforms of the titular tower as the screen scrolls faster and faster. That’s it. Quickly you learn that the faster you’re going when you push jump, the higher you jump. It’s possible to ‘combo’ these jumps and build a huge score while ascending the tower even more quickly. Like all good, simple ideas, the games main draw is its addictiveness. Each game will only last a few minutes before your cheeky avatar plummets to his death, but each time, you’ll want to try again. The concept is so simple, yet so beguilingly hard you’ll marvel at the ways you can foolishly die, and each time it is your own fault, and your own fault alone.
DOWNLOAD
BLUE WISH RESSURECTION PLUS
Back to Japan, and we have one of the ‘fullest’ packages on offer here, the rather spiffing Blue Wish Resurrection Plus (hereby abbreviated to BWR+). BWR+ takes all it’s inspiration from shooters by Cave, a Japanese company that is perhaps the last surviving true innovator of the 2D shooting scene in Japan. In particular inspired by the proximity based scoring system of 2003’s Ketsui, BWR+ presents a rather less formidable challenge than it’s arcade based big brothers. The enemies bullets, though formidable in their number move relatively slowly. Your ship’s hitbox is tiny and clearly visible, to it is usually easy to avoid collisions with a bit of practice. And, above all, if you get hit by a bullet, you loose a bomb instead of a life. Without wanting to delve into the complex semantic of shooting games, this essentially means you have about, say 20 lives to complete the game, whilst in a game like Ketsui, you’d only have 3-7 to complete a Much Harder Game. None of this really matters; BWR+ succinctly describes exactly why modern shooting games are so awesome. The sheer spectacle of bullets and collectable items flying around the screen is a joy to behold, and it remains a perfect entry point into a most prohibitive of hobbies. One word of warning: BWR+ is fairly big at almost 50mb unpacked. While most of this is for the soundtrack, it is perhaps the only game that could cause some problems on shitter computers.
DOWNLOAD
CHO REN SHA 68K
Cho Ren Sha 68k is an indie remake of an indie game. Lolz, awesome. Interesting factoid out of the way, here’s another: Cho Ren Sha 68k is perhaps the most respected indie shooting game ever. Of course such talk is generally based on conjecture, hyperbole and general lies, but I would be willing to stand by such a statement. As shooting games go, Cho Ren Sha 68k is as conservative as they come. If you’ve played a shooting game, you’ll know how to play Cho Ren Sha 68k. One button shoots, one button bombs, kill stuff, dodge bullets and enemies. That’s pretty much it. So why all the love? First of all, unpacked, Cho Ren Sha 68k takes up less than 2mbs, which is roughly the same as a Mega Drive game. Any Windows running computer could run it (though the music is a bit stuttery in Vista; it fixes itself after a time though). Second, it looks gorgeous. Every sprite is a perfect homage to some other shooting game. Thirdly, it plays as good as it looks. Super smooth, with lenient collision detection, even a novice can get some fun out of it. Indeed, while it has more bullets than the average classically inspired shooter, it’s also comparatively easy. You won’t be finishing it first time, but a few weeks practice should set you straight. Finally, it also sounds brilliant, with the soundtrack album still selling well to this day. So really, Cho Ren Sha 68k is a simple game, zero originality, performed extremely well. And that, my friends, makes an awesome game.
DOWNLOAD
DOKUTSU MONOGATARI
Anyone who knows anything about indie games will have heard of this, and will be thinking “oh that’s so obvious but fair play man, fair play” or something else equally middle class. Dokutsu Monogatari is indeed the daddy of the indie videogame, and represents everything that is good about videogames in general. First of all, it must be acknowledged that Dokutsu Monogatari was created by one guy. This guy didn’t even do it full time. He didn’t even have any professional experience of making videogames. Instead, he’s a middle aged, overworked business man who coded Dokutsu Monogatari in the middle of the night when he really should have been sleeping. It took him five years to make. Dokutsu Monogatari (tr: Cave Story) is an almost perfect video game. The character design is cute, witty and completely unobtrusive. The story is sad, funny and expertly underplayed. The gameplay itself is absolutely delightful: a combination of Metroid style low gravity exploration and Gunstar Heroes blasting. The graphics are incredible, nostalgic yet heavily stylised. The music is mind blowing. All this puts to shame 99.9% of any game made in any situation. And it was made by one guy who had no formal video game making training, and no real spare time to finish it. Now that’s a game. Dokutsu Monogatari the perfect example of how story telling in a video game should be done. It is the very essence of what makes a video game great, and will elicit the same experience of when you used to boot up your Mega Drive as a snotty nosed child, except now you’re twenty-fucking-two and you’ve just realised that you’ve actually fallen in love with a game properly for the first time since you were 15. Here is a gorgeous game, with an expertly defined set of lovable heroes and villains that will have you grinning for its entire 5-10 hour play timeDokutsu Monogatari is so light a program any computer could run it. You really owe it to yourself to experience, if just for one more time before you die, that feeling of being totally engrossed in a narrative not through reams of dialogue, but the seldom used narrative tools of the videogame medium: the seamlessness between player character, the game’s setting and the player itself. Prepare to be amazed.
DOWNLOAD (Link to translation patch. Link also has link to the full (free) game)
*****EDIT
Cave Story is being released on Wii Ware :D:O:D
Well, that’s not exactly fair. More like different games, not browser based, more ‘retro’ styled I guess. There are no criteria for inclusion in this post other than that the game must be available for download without charge. Oh, and that the games in question must have been produced by an independent source. This is especially important. Video games as a media have had a very short life, and as such are not usually considered in the same light as films, music and books. This is generally fair enough. Most videogames are pretty shit, to be honest. I would argue that this is so due to the way in which they have been created.
Making a videogame is an incredibly expensive endeavour normally, and there’s always a lot of money riding on any game you might go into a video game shop and pick up. The act of physically putting out a videogame is a risky and prohibitively costly one. As such, it is often hard to discern any creative freedom evident in commercially released videogames, Of course, there are some exceptions to this rule, and certain companies and directors can ‘work the system’ and produce a commercially viable game that pushes the medium of videogames forward. But it’s hard to label even these projects as being ‘independent’ in the same way that a record or a film could be seen as being an independently produced product. ‘Video Game Band’ Grasshopper Interactive’s 2005 masterpiece ‘Killer 7’ portrayed a truly post modern videogame experience, taking every classical convention that video games had to offer and turned them on its head. The plot was insanely complicated, tackling issues such as post colonial identify, institutional sexual abuse and the notion of the self, and it did so in perhaps the most brazen and user unfriendly yet seen in a videogame. In fact, it is such a fascinating game, it will no doubt be explored in a later blog post, ho ho. Returning to the point, however, the fact is that regardless of how bizarre Killer 7 was, it was still financed by Capcom, was released on two separate consoles and was sold as a stylish action game “from the twisted mind of… the creator of Resident Evil”. Thus, kudos for getting this masterpiece into the shops around the world, but the fact remains, not everyone could make a game like Killer 7.
When it comes to indie games, however, we return to the inclusionist aspect that this blog post is trying to instil. Here are games created by people with real day jobs, who, in a bid to get as many people as possible to enjoy their products, and so as not have to deal with any draconian publishing house looking simply to make a profit, are people who have made video games completely single-handedly, under extreme restrictions, and have still come out with something awesome to make people happy.
So here, I present to you some fun, free, independently produced games to play guilt free in these financially troubled times. In no particular order:
LA MULANA
La Mulana is a game produced in a decidedly self consciously ‘retro’ fashion. While it was build for Windows, in actuality it looks and sounds far more like a game made for Sony’s MSX console. An unashamed pastiche of the Indiana Jones series, La Mulana stars a whip cracking hero jumping around torturous terrain, solving (insanely hard) puzzles and beating the local wildlife to death. What makes La Mulana stand out is its thoroughly well realised game design. Coming across like an amalgamation between Metroid and Castlevania (nothing original there then), La Mulana sees you exploring the brightly coloured world in a non linear fashion. Get stuck in one area, and you can simply wonder off somewhere else to try your luck. One thing to bear in mind is the game’s extreme difficulty, requiring both quick reflexes, a heavy degree of memorisation, and a cerebral cortex the size of a Chinese River Dolphin. Still worth the download for the less gifted gamer just to sample the amazing theme tune.
DOWNLOAD (link to translation patch. You'll find a link to the actual game too)
OMGWTFOTL
As the name of the game suggests, OMGWTFOTL is a strange game. In fact, it’s absolutely bizarre. Belonging firmly in the ‘Visual Novel’ genre of video games, OMGWTFOTL is a game that deliberately sets out to alienate and beguile the player in pretty much every possible way. Naturally, to discuss the manner in which this is accomplished would inevitably detract from the nature of the gameplay. All I will disclose is that OMGWTFOTL has much in common with Bizarro fiction, with it’s strange, pop culture referencing and use of extreme violence. The plot of the game, influenced by the players choice will frequently travel down some unexpected routes, breaking boundaries of time and reality. Sometimes funny, sometimes upsetting, and always confusing, OMGWTFOTL is a perfect example of what can be accomplished with zero budget and a particularly nihilistic outlook. Just whatever you do, don’t genuflect.
DOWNLOAD
NOMLTEST
NOMLTEST is better than Geometry Wars. There, I said it. Well, in actuality, they are very different games. Geometry wars is basically Robotron 2048 with flashier colours and a more satisfying control scheme. NOMLTEST on the other hand has more in common with modern bullet hell shooters, with its tiny hitbox, insane bullet storms and the ability to ‘eat’ bullets by keeping them in close proximity, with your scoring affected by this risk/reward ethos. What makes NOMLTEST and Geometry Wars comparable is the infinite nature of both games: conceivably, you could play them forever without ever dying. This is hardly a facet that is unique to these games; Space Invaders, Galaga, Tatsujin and 1,000,000 other arcade games go on ‘forever’ if you’re enough, with only the ever increasing difficulty finally forcing you out into the harsh light of day. Nomltest just implements this system extremely well. With all its modern features combined with a ‘classic’ retro sensibility, NOMLTEST is addictive shooting action with lovely graphics and a fairly in depth scoring system. Another plus is that its low system requirements mean it could run on pretty much any computer (running windows).
DOWNLOAD
ICY TOWER
The only non Japanese game on this motley list, Icy Tower is very obviously an American product. The music, sound effects and character design are pretty bland and clichéd, but the game itself is something else altogether. Like Sonic, it is controlled with just left, right and jump. You make your guy jump up the platforms of the titular tower as the screen scrolls faster and faster. That’s it. Quickly you learn that the faster you’re going when you push jump, the higher you jump. It’s possible to ‘combo’ these jumps and build a huge score while ascending the tower even more quickly. Like all good, simple ideas, the games main draw is its addictiveness. Each game will only last a few minutes before your cheeky avatar plummets to his death, but each time, you’ll want to try again. The concept is so simple, yet so beguilingly hard you’ll marvel at the ways you can foolishly die, and each time it is your own fault, and your own fault alone.
DOWNLOAD
BLUE WISH RESSURECTION PLUS
Back to Japan, and we have one of the ‘fullest’ packages on offer here, the rather spiffing Blue Wish Resurrection Plus (hereby abbreviated to BWR+). BWR+ takes all it’s inspiration from shooters by Cave, a Japanese company that is perhaps the last surviving true innovator of the 2D shooting scene in Japan. In particular inspired by the proximity based scoring system of 2003’s Ketsui, BWR+ presents a rather less formidable challenge than it’s arcade based big brothers. The enemies bullets, though formidable in their number move relatively slowly. Your ship’s hitbox is tiny and clearly visible, to it is usually easy to avoid collisions with a bit of practice. And, above all, if you get hit by a bullet, you loose a bomb instead of a life. Without wanting to delve into the complex semantic of shooting games, this essentially means you have about, say 20 lives to complete the game, whilst in a game like Ketsui, you’d only have 3-7 to complete a Much Harder Game. None of this really matters; BWR+ succinctly describes exactly why modern shooting games are so awesome. The sheer spectacle of bullets and collectable items flying around the screen is a joy to behold, and it remains a perfect entry point into a most prohibitive of hobbies. One word of warning: BWR+ is fairly big at almost 50mb unpacked. While most of this is for the soundtrack, it is perhaps the only game that could cause some problems on shitter computers.
DOWNLOAD
CHO REN SHA 68K
Cho Ren Sha 68k is an indie remake of an indie game. Lolz, awesome. Interesting factoid out of the way, here’s another: Cho Ren Sha 68k is perhaps the most respected indie shooting game ever. Of course such talk is generally based on conjecture, hyperbole and general lies, but I would be willing to stand by such a statement. As shooting games go, Cho Ren Sha 68k is as conservative as they come. If you’ve played a shooting game, you’ll know how to play Cho Ren Sha 68k. One button shoots, one button bombs, kill stuff, dodge bullets and enemies. That’s pretty much it. So why all the love? First of all, unpacked, Cho Ren Sha 68k takes up less than 2mbs, which is roughly the same as a Mega Drive game. Any Windows running computer could run it (though the music is a bit stuttery in Vista; it fixes itself after a time though). Second, it looks gorgeous. Every sprite is a perfect homage to some other shooting game. Thirdly, it plays as good as it looks. Super smooth, with lenient collision detection, even a novice can get some fun out of it. Indeed, while it has more bullets than the average classically inspired shooter, it’s also comparatively easy. You won’t be finishing it first time, but a few weeks practice should set you straight. Finally, it also sounds brilliant, with the soundtrack album still selling well to this day. So really, Cho Ren Sha 68k is a simple game, zero originality, performed extremely well. And that, my friends, makes an awesome game.
DOWNLOAD
DOKUTSU MONOGATARI
Anyone who knows anything about indie games will have heard of this, and will be thinking “oh that’s so obvious but fair play man, fair play” or something else equally middle class. Dokutsu Monogatari is indeed the daddy of the indie videogame, and represents everything that is good about videogames in general. First of all, it must be acknowledged that Dokutsu Monogatari was created by one guy. This guy didn’t even do it full time. He didn’t even have any professional experience of making videogames. Instead, he’s a middle aged, overworked business man who coded Dokutsu Monogatari in the middle of the night when he really should have been sleeping. It took him five years to make. Dokutsu Monogatari (tr: Cave Story) is an almost perfect video game. The character design is cute, witty and completely unobtrusive. The story is sad, funny and expertly underplayed. The gameplay itself is absolutely delightful: a combination of Metroid style low gravity exploration and Gunstar Heroes blasting. The graphics are incredible, nostalgic yet heavily stylised. The music is mind blowing. All this puts to shame 99.9% of any game made in any situation. And it was made by one guy who had no formal video game making training, and no real spare time to finish it. Now that’s a game. Dokutsu Monogatari the perfect example of how story telling in a video game should be done. It is the very essence of what makes a video game great, and will elicit the same experience of when you used to boot up your Mega Drive as a snotty nosed child, except now you’re twenty-fucking-two and you’ve just realised that you’ve actually fallen in love with a game properly for the first time since you were 15. Here is a gorgeous game, with an expertly defined set of lovable heroes and villains that will have you grinning for its entire 5-10 hour play timeDokutsu Monogatari is so light a program any computer could run it. You really owe it to yourself to experience, if just for one more time before you die, that feeling of being totally engrossed in a narrative not through reams of dialogue, but the seldom used narrative tools of the videogame medium: the seamlessness between player character, the game’s setting and the player itself. Prepare to be amazed.
DOWNLOAD (Link to translation patch. Link also has link to the full (free) game)
*****EDIT
Cave Story is being released on Wii Ware :D:O:D
Monday, 24 November 2008
OS Map of a Paradise Lost
I was actually planning out a whole series of blogs a few days back, where I would document the torment of my new job in the fast food retail sector. Every post would be a gushing pouring tsunami of bile, where I would write under a vague pseudonym and discuss my exploit in painstaking, horrifying detail. It would be like a combination of Thompson's gonzo journalism and A Child Called It. But, much to my annoyance, and of course to the detriment of any gritty social realism ever being featured on this blog, it's not that bad a job. The hours are fairly long and they can be late, which obviously sucks. Apart from that I can't really poke any fault in it. I'm going to be earning minimum wage for whatever I do before my PGCE, so I might as well accept that and just try and work full time.
It's busy, and time passes relatively fast. If I'm pleasant towards customers, they're usually nice back (lolz shock). My co-workers are all nice people. Even the dreaded managers, while still somewhat of a formidable presence, are surprisingly toothless, seemingly are too embroiled in whatever business they may be engaged in to harass me too much. And anyway, it’s head down, work hard as the mantra to embrace if you want the shift to pass quickly.
The smell of Detergent 1, 2 and 10 will be permanently inscribed in my cerebral cortex, and it’s certainly preferable to the smell of chip fat. Wash table, wash table, wash worktop, polish chrome service, wash worktop, wriggle toes (…) and now I am somewhat autonomous within the monotony, no need to take command (there’s no real commander anyway (everyone has their own way of doing things. Me? I heap as much Ice Cream/Cheese onto whatever I’m serving as possible as some kind of neutered Machiavellian subterfuge against my fairly benevolent oppressors) drifting of my own volition from one explicitly set task to another; my shift might as well be represented by a series of significant hexadecimal figures (16 tasks being the optimum number to keep you entertained, evidently).
Never at any one point do I actually consider the true nature of the building I wilfully visit when I feel like it. On a crafty freezing air break, I can hear the distant rumblings of torture or explosions or talking CG animals or explosions, but aside from these “oh yeah” moments, my food court might as well be located at a portal leading to a golf course, limbo, Cromer, a bus station, that awesome freak show we went to, something potentially cool yet obviously easy to blot out through drudgery.
Sometimes I wonder how the ushers cope; their worlds mingling with the worlds of others in unprecedented ways, their sweeping broom brushing against the toe of a patron, the distant rumblings of torture or explosions or talking CG animals or explosions altogether more palpable, their eyes, ears nose constantly having to adjust to the continually malleable circumstances they are thrust into? While I of course have my ketchup smeared (better clean it quick) work top as my neat surgical divide between I, my motley companions, and them out there going to see films. My apron is my shield, my baseball cap is something else protective; I smile and laugh with people on either side of the incision and frankly I don’t give a shit/I’m attentive, hard working.
During the inevitable lulls in patrons wafting in, a kind of magic 20 minutes descends, and staff from every dept. flock around the food court, lean on the incision and tell me how drunk they got last night, and what managers are getting married and how bored they are and that they had college all day and will do tomorrow as well. After this, I may reward my hard work by briefly resting on a work top, a celebratory re-cleaning of something that’s already clean, wash table, wash table, 4, B, 0, 9, 3, 7, 7, E (…) whereupon I walk outside into the wet grass, shadows formed by rushing lorries, the empty train lines, tracts of concrete, the hum of the red lighting strips, the inky black of the canal, the faces formed by wispy fog and then I get back and laugh at Charlene ‘til it’s time for bed.
Saturday, 22 November 2008
Friday, 21 November 2008
6000 words/ 14 days: Part 3 FINAL
I thought I better finish off this rather dull series of posts. Today I handed in around 40 pages of IR goodness.
There is no story to tell here.
It was actually fairly easy and somewhat pleasant in parts. Despite a few hiccups at the beginning (see below) I was pretty productive. I must be growing up.
Although, almost made two fatal mistakes in each essays:
1) 'Has Mexico Become Columbianized?'
2) Agreeing with this:
There have been groups, such as Aum Shinrikyo, that attempted to cause mass casualties to hasten Armageddon, as well as organizations in which everyone killed themselves, but there is little evidence, as yet, of terrorists that combine both elements, seeking, Samson-like, to destroy their enemies along with themselves
Cameron 1999: 83
So anyway, that wasn't so hard after all. This will probably be undermined by crap grades (now excitingly in 'distinction/pass with merit/pass/fail(?)' form!) Now I just have 5,000 for January and then probably another 24,000 for next year. Easy.
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Where is your god now?
I'm guessing a lot of you will have seen this already, but it doesn't make it any less frightening. Frankly, we're doomed.
Saturday, 15 November 2008
FLASH [GAMES], AH-AHH! SAVIOUR OF THE UNIVERSE!
Thursday, 13 November 2008
6000 words/14 days: Part 2
13/11/08: 8 days to go
*Almost 3000 words down, pretty much finished the first essay kinda. It's pretty shit and still need to write a conclusion. So good news - that's done, bad news - it's shit. And I took bloody ages to do it and in my experience the harder I work on a essay - the shitter it is!
*Which brings me to my next essay for Narco-terrorism but now I only have 8 days to go! And which only just occured to me! Argh. So yes, reading week was pretty much wasted!
* Essay 2 = 'Has Mexico Become Columbianized' - pretty gheyly worded, but I didn't write it. So anyway, now I enter a new hell, moving away from terrorism and weapons of mass destruction (btw let's really hope terrorists never develop a contagious biological weapon. Although: this is not worrying as it's been happening for ages!) into the happier world of gun crime and death - (Shottingham really doesn't have anything on Mexico City!)
* I also thought I'd save money by some nifty photocopying, but just so you know putting 4 pages onto 1 isn't so good for the eyes.
*SOB I have so much to do! WHY have I taken so long writing this?????!!
*Anyway, as I slide the slippery slope into mental breakdown (nah not really I don't care that much) here be some extra lolz...
p.s. can someone else write one now. a good one!
Friday, 7 November 2008
PARTY-TIME
Also. Don't forget, tomorrow is gonna be birthday-tastic as we celebrate me getting closer to death. YAY. I'm expecting good times. By good I mean drunken.
PLAN:
08/11/08
1)Go to Sainsburys and buy some alcohol
2)Come back and drink it
3)Be drunk
4)Go to Stealth, dance and shit.
09/11/08
5)Be 22
6)Eat cake.
And that's it. You better come coz last year was shit and I am owed a good one for once. Cool.
6000 words/14 days: Part 1
I've decided it will be really exciting for everyone to follow my 2 week struggle to write my first two MA essays. I know, try to contain yourself. Follow my adventure as the number of times I click on facebook steadily rises to over 30oooo/min and decide yet again the kitchen/bathroom/toilet/my room just isn't clean enough. Although, this is all a lie because I started ages ago and am over 2000/3000 through my first one, but anyway, it's a nice whole number.
07/11 : 14 days to go
* After deciding that I DEFINITELY need to finish this one today I have instead spent most of the day on facebook, looking at school league tables (?) cleaning and being excited about the fireworks. Shit.
* Michael has kindly donated some more CDs to soundtrack the writing after yesterdays post-rockathon: today= Mare, Refused, Deerhoof and Kylie. I'm positive this will equal high productivity.
* I am still undecided whether I am arguing that Terrorists are definitely gonna kill us all with WMD or whether they're all just joking and love us really. Argh.
* God I'm Bored.
END
NB. This is NOT procrastination.
07/11 : 14 days to go
* After deciding that I DEFINITELY need to finish this one today I have instead spent most of the day on facebook, looking at school league tables (?) cleaning and being excited about the fireworks. Shit.
* Michael has kindly donated some more CDs to soundtrack the writing after yesterdays post-rockathon: today= Mare, Refused, Deerhoof and Kylie. I'm positive this will equal high productivity.
* I am still undecided whether I am arguing that Terrorists are definitely gonna kill us all with WMD or whether they're all just joking and love us really. Argh.
* God I'm Bored.
END
NB. This is NOT procrastination.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Last FM
I've been using this for the last few weeks, and am finding it quite fun. For anyone who doesn't know, it's just another silly time wasting social networking site, but based completely around music. You download a little jobber that monitors winamp or whatever you're using to play music on your computer, and it compiles everything you listen to, so everyone can see how cool you are. Or at least it would if I had any friends.
First up, in a lot of ways, this system is pretty fucking stupid. It doesn't differentiate between the length of tracks, so each track represents one 'tally' for that band. Thus a band that you listen to occasionally will jump to the top of your 'favourite' artists purely on the merit of them having lots of short songs on an album, while a band with long songs, or perhaps an unindexed live performance will only earn that band a couple of tallys. It's pretty stupid, but I guess you have to draw the line somewhere.
What I really like about the service though, is the countless reccomendations it has given me. This is perfect for bands I really like that might have only released one or two albums: I can simply have a peak at who sounds like them, and get into a whole new slew of bands. Since this all seems to be user updated, you find some surprisingly esoteric stuff. And on top of that, I dig the statistics angle. It's nice to see a personalised 'chart' of what you've been listening to. Makes me wish I'd started using this from first year onwards. It's so much better than myspace for finding music, because you can find slightly older bands (and really really old bands, like Tim music) knocking around too.
Anyways is anyone else using this? My page on lastfm can be found here, so you can have a look at how much better my taste in music is than yours D:D:D:
First up, in a lot of ways, this system is pretty fucking stupid. It doesn't differentiate between the length of tracks, so each track represents one 'tally' for that band. Thus a band that you listen to occasionally will jump to the top of your 'favourite' artists purely on the merit of them having lots of short songs on an album, while a band with long songs, or perhaps an unindexed live performance will only earn that band a couple of tallys. It's pretty stupid, but I guess you have to draw the line somewhere.
What I really like about the service though, is the countless reccomendations it has given me. This is perfect for bands I really like that might have only released one or two albums: I can simply have a peak at who sounds like them, and get into a whole new slew of bands. Since this all seems to be user updated, you find some surprisingly esoteric stuff. And on top of that, I dig the statistics angle. It's nice to see a personalised 'chart' of what you've been listening to. Makes me wish I'd started using this from first year onwards. It's so much better than myspace for finding music, because you can find slightly older bands (and really really old bands, like Tim music) knocking around too.
Anyways is anyone else using this? My page on lastfm can be found here, so you can have a look at how much better my taste in music is than yours D:D:D:
Monday, 3 November 2008
Top 15 Albums of 2008
Well, I’m not really sure when the best time to do these lists is. Logic dictates it would be December 31st, but of course, the chances of anything really awesome being released over the next few months are fairly slim. Also, with the xmas decorations up all around the city already, the end of the year is pretty much being forced on us, even though there’s a good 1/6 of it left, so I might as well stick the knife in and end this miserable year prematurely. So here we have it: the best albums of this year, according to your humble scribe :D
15: MOGWAI - THE HAWK IS HOWLING
Scraping into the top 15 this year we have seminal instrumental rockers Mogwai with their first effort since the elegant restraint of 2005’s ‘Mr Beast’. For better or for worse, ‘Hawk’ sees Mogwai returning to more stodgy structure of albums past, with lengthy outros and prolonged passages of dark, dirgey rock. This is not necessarily a bad thing. The aggressive posturing of ’Batcat’ forms a perfect counterpoint to the meandering pleasantness of ‘I Love you, I’m Going to Blow Up Your School’. Still, it’s hard not to feel that with a little self editing, ‘The Hawk is Howling’ could have been as supple and powerful as their best works. As such , Mogwai will have to make do with the award for ‘Best Track Title of 2008’ with B-side ‘Stupid Prick Gets Chased by the Police and Looses His Slut Girlfriend’.
14: PERFUME - GAME
At number 14, I present to you the semaphore effort of Japanese electro/house/bubblegum pop legends Perfume. GAME itself is a frequently appalling album that redeems itself occasionally with moments of sickeningly guilty levity. The title track itself starts with a bass line so filthy that it causes spontaneous itching of the inner ear, while standout track ‘Plastic Smile’ is essentially Kylie Minogue, mixed by Daft Punk with the snare frequencies turned up to unbearable levels. The production, as with their debut ‘Complete Best’ is obscenely flawless, and frankly puts pretty much every Western pop band to shame. My advice is just to listen, smile, and if anyone catches you, claim you’re being ironic.
13: RYOJI IKEDA - TEST PATTERN
Sound/visual artist has always walked the line between uncompromising noise and dance music in his work. Coming both extreme high and low frequencies and working them into taught, immaculately constructed digital constructions, Test Pattern is as indicative of Ikeda’s work as anything he has previously accomplished. In turn both cold and inherently human, the minimal glitching of Test Pattern assures it a place in this years top 15 albums.
12: THE LONG BLONDES - COUPLES
Seemingly ditching the retro sensibilities that characterised their first effort, 2006’s deliciously poppy ‘Someone to Drive you Home’, ‘Couples’ soon consoles with its dancey bass drums, inventive production, and focus on keyboards, while still retaining the same lyrical wit and delivery that made them so interesting in the first place. Album opener ‘Century’ is arguably the album’s stand out stack , but overall this is a cohesive effort, bound together with a dark sensibility clearly inspired by Pulp in their hey-day.
11: YMCK - FAMILY GENESIS
Japanese bleepy videogame smooth jazz band YMCK hit their stride with their third album ‘Family Genesis’ an unabashed stab at the mainstream that displays a further homed mastery of their craft. Perfectly capturing the soft sounds of early NES sound chip music, Family Genesis is a warm, accomplished and unashamedly nostalgic release, proving that music formed completely from a sound chip can easily possess as much soul as music formed with more traditional instruments.
10: NO AGE - NOUNS
At last entering the top 10, we have L.A guitar/drums outfit No Age whose noisy, raw pop songs are as enjoyable as they are trendy. What makes this album really stand out from the crowd is the warmth of the production, revealing a veritable palimpsest of different layers of sound. The roar of the fuzz box in ‘Teen Creeps’ perfectly complements the jangley somnambulism of proceeding track ‘Eraser’. Nouns is a punchy, noisy collection of pure pop goodness.
9: DJ SCOTCH EGG - DRUMIZED
At number 9, we have one of my favourite artists of recent times, the one and only DJ Scotch Egg. While making music almost exclusively with Nintendo Gameboys, the Egg is adverse to experimenting with this instrument, taking the sound to some strange places. His 2007 performance at Glastonbury was indicative of this, seeing the strange young man collaborate with members of Trencher and the Boredoms. ’Drumized’ can be seen to be the confirmation of his previous experimentation with metal, noise and avant-garde. Repeating melodies, casual bursts of noise and the occasional bassy groove all characterise this album. Consequently, it is by far his most inaccessible effort to date, but perseverance pays handsomely here. Drumized is a truly satisfying album form one of the most fascinating musicians working today.
8: SQUAREPUSHER - JUST A SOUVANIER
Perhaps not dissimilar to the change in pace offered by DJ Scotch Egg in Drumized, Squarepusher’s Tom Jenkins, completely out of the blue abandons his characteristic brand of break beat for something completely different: a concept album based on a passing daydream about an awesome funk band who perform with a huge coat hanger floating behind them. Undeniably strange, ‘Just a Souvenir’ is nevertheless an exhilarating experience of funky, processed bass lines, tinny drums and vocoderised vocals, exhibiting the same ‘retro futurist’ sensibilities of other such artists such as Add N to (x) and the Apples in Stereo, in order to make a fascinating, and above all fun concept album.
7: VENETIAN SNARES - DETRIMENTALIST
Business as usual here for Venetian Snares composer, Aaron Funk. After the experimentation of his previous albums, Venetian Snares returns with a straight album of no nonsense, balls to the wall break core. And you know what? It’s awesome. Vsnares skill with trackers is nothing short of enviable, and Detrimentalist, while a step back in terms musical progression, is still a good 100m sprint ahead of the competition. Play fucking loud.
6: FUCK BUTTONS - STREET HORRRSING
Fuck Buttons is one of those bands that gets very popular without me having a clue as to how it happened. Obviously I don’t begrudge them this success, as their debut album’s placing in this list goes to show. But frankly, when it comes to gaining popularity, everything seems stacked against them. For a start, they’re called Fuck Buttons, which hardly ingratiates you towards radio disk jockeys. Their songs are also around 10 minutes long, proceed with a funereal pace, and combine swathes of white noise with barely audible screaming in the mix. Not exactly something Chris Moyles would play. Putting aside their inexplicable mainstream appeal, however, we see Street Horrrsing to be an extremely proficient album, combing beautiful, abrasive drones with gorgeous, uplifting synths. Unprecedented and very welcome.
5: JOHNNY FOREIGNER - WAITED UP ‘TIL IT WAS LIGHT
Johnny Foreigner are frankly the kind of band I usually detest. Cliquey attitude, songs about going clubbing, faux American accents… Johnny Foreigner exhibit all of these potentially ruinous traits, and they do so time and time again. It’s just as well they also happen to write perfect, effortless pop songs. Combining excessively overdriven guitars and awesome arpeggiated riffs, the guitar work on ‘Waited up ‘Til it was Light is nothing short of absolutely amazing, and the shouty, screamy ramshackle vocals back up the almost stream of consciousness based fluidity of the melodies on offer. One of the few bands I saw this last year, Johnny Foreigner put on a great show, and this showmanship is surprisingly well captured on disc.
4: CRYSTAL CASTLES - CRYSTAL CASTLES
The inclusion of this album in the top 15, let alone the top 5, is frankly bizarre, and needs some explaining. The long awaited Crystal Castles debut album is a deeply disappointing experience. Overly long with an unprecedented level of filler for a band who previously excelled at crafting snappy, abrasive pop songs, I would even go as far to say that it’s not a good album. Melt Banana’s Bambi’s Dilemma, an album released this year by perhaps my favourite band of all time is conspicuously absent from this countdown. So why is one disappointing album charting so high, while another disappointing album doesn’t’t’t chart at all? The answer is surprisingly simple. Crystal Castles debut, while lacking cohesion and much needed brevity, has some fucking incredible songs on it. The disgusting bass and distorted bleeps and frenzied caterwauling of Alice Practice is insanely refreshing, the retro futurist (hey! Phrase du jour lolz) styling of Drink ‘n’ Fuck (now renamed ‘Good Times) is devastatingly catchy, and the sheer blissful maelstrom that is ‘xxzxcuzx me’ feels like music to start a riot to. Putting aside their music stealing endeavours, Crystal Castles are perhaps the most interesting chip tune act operating today.
3: SABREPULSE - TURBO CITY
While I’ve always liked Sabrepulse, not least for single handedly introducing me to chip tune (along with DJ Scotch Egg maybe) and convincing me to start making Gameboy music, I’ve always felt that his albums were a little lacking. Sure, ‘Purple Haze’ is sublime, but you need more than one song to go mental to. As if in response to my misgivings, he crafted this, not only one of the best albums of the year, but perhaps the best pure chip tune album ever made. Ditching his previous Laptop augmented sound and switching to purely Gameboy produced tunes, Turbo City seems almost like an homage to fellow chip tune artist and one time tour mate USK, whose 4/4 bass rhythms and gorgeous melodies really push the Gameboy to its limits. Sabrepulse takes this concept to the next level. Ten tuneful, pounding perfect pop songs make up Turbo City’s runtime. Half an hour of pure, barely modified chip based goodness that comes, enthrals, and concludes to a cheer and adulation. This is the sound of an artist at the top of his game.
2: DEERHOOF - OFFEND MAGGIE
It perhaps goes without saying that any other year, this would be number one. Actually, given their last album was a little bit crap, you would be forgiven that Deerhoof’s latest would also follow ‘Friend Opportunity’ down the road of being slightly disappointing. Frankly, there’s not much more to say other than ‘it hasn’t’, and that ‘Offend Maggie’ is as good an album as Deerhoof have ever made. Stripping songs back to their requisite levels in a manner they havn’t accomplished for years, Offend Maggie on first listen at least sounds a bit toothless. A bit folksy perhaps, with none of the spiky indie pop they are famed for. Of course, as I learn time and time again, to judge anything on first impressions is stupid. And, as often happens with the best albums, Offend Maggie refuses to give up her charms with just one, ten, or even 100 listens. Deerhoof’s songwriting, now honed to an unbelievable level, really takes centre stage here, and the comparative lack of distortion compared to their earlier works really lets the subtleties of the melodies shine through. Singer Satomi is as bat-shit insane as ever, her unpolished and childish voice and lyrics really as much a part of Deerhoof’s sound as the twangy guitars and the syncopated drums. The end effect is one of warmth, inclusiveness and beauty. Every track has an inspired chord change or vocal inflection that will send hairs bristling down the back of your neck. It’s that good.
1: PORTISHEAD - THIRD
At number one on this years chart is perhaps the most surprising entry of all. Portishead split up years ago. They made some interesting stuff back in the day, but it was very middle of the road frankly, forever rooted in the time that made them. Mixing a bit of hip hop with a fairly depressing atmosphere and a beautiful female voice, Portishead were very much a white, middle class dinner party kind of band, about as edgy as most people would feel comfortable going. They had a fairly devoted following, but I always wondered if they ever really deserved it. Come 2008, and they released a third album out of nowhere. Cynicism abounded. How could a band be so removed from the music scene for so long, and return with anything approaching their initial output, let alone something world stopping, something now that would take their sound and carry it forward to a new set (if not generation) of fans? Somehow, they managed it. God know how, but Portishead made an album that is by far and away the best album of 2008. Third, the album in question, undeniably sounds like Portishead. But it sounds like a Portishead who have spent the last 8 or so years, and refining it to such a level that it becomes something more. All the original elements are there. The wavering vocals, the reverb infused guitars, the stuttering beats. Only now, everything has been utterly perfected. The guitars are so analogue sounding, they actually sound digital, through the clarity of the echo they produce. Other analogue instruments are sampled, but in such a way as to distort them irrevocably. A single violin note is sustained to infinity on the first track, hinting at a climax that will never be fulfilled: after building to an unbearable level, album opener ‘Silence’ ends with savage abruptness, the implicated violence of the truncated conclusion forming a silence more brutal than anything any other band could ever hope to achieve. Elsewhere, the bands characterising bass lines have also taken a post modern twist, now sounding more like doomed ships fog horns than anything you could possibly imagine dancing to. Third is a bleakly beautiful soundtrack to a horror movie simply too frightening and nihilistic to ever be produced, but instead exists in the mind of the listener, with every tainted crescendo and every moment of fragile beauty that Third demonstrates. Not bad then, for a fairly middle of the road band who haven’t done anything for the best part of the decade.
Well, that’s it then. Honourable mentions go out to acts such as Melt Banana (try harder next time lolz), Boris and Rolo Tomassi, who all produced great albums that fell a little short in various ways. All in all, 2008 was a pretty shit hot year for music.
I’ve decided to make a pack of music based around this list. Nothing fancy. Nothing remixed or altered: I didn’t even alter any ID tags. I recommend downloading it and shoving the 15 tracks (one from each album, see) on random. I don’t think piracy is too clever, but think of this as a mixtape. If the archive is password protected, the password is my surname. Enjoy!
Download Mike’s Pick of 2008 (sendspace link: will expire fairly sharpish)
Sunday, 2 November 2008
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