Misplaced Masculinity in Industrial Kitchen Appliances

Wondering up and down by myself for up to 10 hours in the bleak, post apocalyptic kitchen environment of my workplace, my mind invariably tends to wonder, sometimes to great things, sometimes to less great things. One such casual observation that escalated to an unfounded sense of self importance through endless repetition through the empty black canyons of my interest levels, was the sheer aggressiveness of many of the tools I work with day in and day out. Really, do you have to make a pizza oven sound macho? I understand the unmarked building in the industrial estate next to you is probably churning out rockets/warheads/bipedal robots with lasers, but do you really think your stainless steel deep fat fryer deserves the same 'rock hard/hard rock' treatment? Let's illustrate this phenomena with some examples, yeah?



Burger Grill - WOLF REGENCY (with a picture of a CHROME EMBOSSED FUCKING SMUG WOLF)

Toastie Maker - ROLLER GRILL (rather wonderfully embossed in a 1970'S EXPLOITATION FILM STYLE)

Chip Fryer - PICTO FRIALTOR (I accidentally frialatored my finger and it really hurt, so perhaps there is some room for aggressive horripilating here)

Pizza making thing - LINCOLN IMPINGER (which is also the title of my forthcoming ITV series about a robotic policeman in a post-apocalyptic Lincolnshire)

Oven - BLODGET (in a METAL ALBUM font, circa 1983)

Another toastie maker - LANG MELTMASTER ++ MARK II (I give up)




PS - Post more people!